The Sandlin Institute of Matrimatics

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courtney1.JPGInner You

"I hear so many people talk about the importance of being present. If you notice you are not being present, what is the first step to take to get yourself operating in the present again?"
Confused, Kansas City, KS

First, simply take a deep breath about five times. Then just pay attention to your breathing. Do not try to control it, just watch your lungs inhale and exhale. Next, pay attention to how your body feels in contact with the outside world - notice where your body stops and where the floor, the chair, your clothes, etc., begin. Pay attention to your heartbeat and how it feels as it pulses through your body. If you find that difficult, then hold the pulse point on your wrist. Some people find it helpful to close their eyes, but it is not necessary. The main point is to feel your body in your surroundings right now.

stonehenge.jpgLife Management

"How can I keep daily life from interfering with achieving my dreams?” Stuck, Los Angeles,CA

Daily surprises sometimes make us feel we are in a rut and not moving forward. Ask yourself what you did today to further your goals in life. What needs to be done to get you back on track? We produce in life what we focus our attention on. No one can predict how many moments anyone will live beyond this one. Live life with a sense of urgency! Every night, before you go to sleep, ask yourself, ‘What step can I take tomorrow to be more on track with achieving my dreams?’ Then do it!


“If there was one main communication skill to look for in a close one-to-one relationship,what do you think it would be?”
Searching, Houston, TX

The abiliity to listen as an individual, and then speak truthfully, from the heart, develops trust in a relationship. For instance, when people initially meet, they both speak and listen to each other as individuals. Once we are in an intimate relationship, however, we begin to listen from the level of relationship and tend to shut down listening as individuals. We sometimes begin to regard what is said by our beloved as a statement about the relationship itself in code. Then a comment such as, 'That woman (man) is really gorgeous!' becomes a threat to the relationship and is heard as code for 'I would rather be with her (him) than you!' Ask yourself, 'Can we both easily listen to each other as individuals?’ If the answer is yes, you have a rare and valuable relationship regardless of the form that relationship may take in the future.”

family.jpgStress Free Child Guidance

“Any advice for keeping it together when everyone is pulling at me at once?”
Overwhelmed!, Long Island, NY

I think the greatest possibility for all parents, teachers and other role models is to inspire children daily as they learn what it means to be human and to keep them inspired while they learn about themselves and how to care for others... their feelings of magnificence and limit... of approval and rejection. Ask yourself, ‘How do I inspire each family member to deal with these momentary challenges?’ Then make up a reason to laugh!"

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